Damsels and Distress
by k-shee
Summary: "As your bodyguard, I will not subject you to that kind of danger." Suoh firmly intoned. "And as your boyfriend, I don't want to see you being groped by anyone else again."


**Damsels and Distress**

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"…_Let it be understood, at the outset, that every proved theory of science is to be accepted. Only the most intense prejudice and the maddest folly would lead any one to reject the proved—"_

"Kyaa! Isn't the President just dreamy?"

"Uh, excuse me, miss, but I'm trying to take notes. Please tone it down."

"—_any new hypothesis with open minds, to see if it has__ i__n it anything truthful, helpful or advantageous. It should neither be accepted nor rejected simply because__—"_

"Well, no need to be snippy about it, mister."

"Why are you here anyway? Aren't you still in high school?"

"…Maybe. But who the wouldn't want to miss the opportunity of seeing **Nokoru Imonoyama** in action?"

"I find that extremely shallow. Are you free tonight?"

"What kind of girl do you think I am? Pick me up at seven."

* * *

Suoh Takamura crossed his arms and surveyed his surroundings with piercing tiger eyes. Today Nokoru had been requested by the college dean herself to deliver a symposium on mathematically disproving the Theory of Evolution. Nokoru gladly accepted it like he did every single silly detective case back in middle school, with a honey sweet smile and a flip of a fan. They had tried, of course, to keep the agency together, but with Nokoru graduating and handling a different council it was difficult. So the trio of friends decided it was best to put it on hold for the time being, not that it stopped the occasional odd case or two.

Another year and Suoh had graduated as well, and it was only natural that he left the title of Middle School President to Akira while he hopped on to the high school student council with his beloved (and ever-slacking) Kaichou.

Being Nokoru's secretary and bodyguard was a full-time job. _Of course_ the blond was always getting into trouble over his hairbrained schemes. _Of course_ he always got himself cornered by big bad men and very nearly gets kidnapped. And _of course_ he almost always forgot to sign his paperwork. But being Nokoru's best friend and boyfriend was a job that Suoh thanked every day of his life, so he put up with it. Relished it, even. Because all the _shit_ he had to put up with was just SO Nokoru. So he never complained or nagged. Except maybe for the paperwork. Always, always, _always, _the damned paperwork.

Now, where was he? Ah yes, they were in the college auditorium. The dean and her colleagues had proud tears trickling down their faces as Nokoru delivered his speech.

"—_The proof is overwhelming and decisive. Thus God makes the noble science of mathematics bear testimony in favor of the true theories and against the false theories—"_

"—And OMG, we could have dinner afterwards at that new resto—"

Now if only the lady at the back would can it.

"Excuse me, miss." Suoh silently stood and tapped the chattering girl's shoulder. She looked too young to be in college.

The girl whirled around and hearts instantly replaced her eyes. "Kyaa! It's Takamura-sempai!"

Ah, she had called him sempai. That meant she was younger than him, and he was in his freshman year. So she was a middle school student. Apparently, the man beside her had figured that out as well.

"You said you were in high school! I can't date a middle schooler!"

"—_were true, it would harmonize with all other true theories, rather than with so many false theories."_

"Hey, I never said I was. And you're the one who offered!"

Suoh felt his temple throb. "Sir, miss, if you cannot keep quiet I will have to ask you to step out. Please don't make it difficult for all of us." Pointedly, he gestured to the staring faces around them. Even the speaker himself had paused at the random outburst. The two were sufficiently chastised and sank in their seats. The ninja met Nokoru's inquiring gaze and shook his head, the amused glint in his eyes saying, _I'll tell you later_. Nokoru smiled in an intimate way that told him he understood, and with a grace that only he could ever possess, called the attention back to himself and carried on with the lecture.

Suoh got back to his seat and prepared to sit through two more hours of staring at Nokoru's angelic face. Not a bad way to waste time at all.

* * *

"Ah!" Nokoru exclaimed as he downed a chilled bottle of flavored water in one go. "This is good, Suoh. Where did you get this?"

"Akira was experimenting on recipes, ever since you expressed interest." Suoh coolly replied, ears suddenly alert.

"Oh, I see. I'll have to thank him when we meet for lunch tomorrow."

"Actually, he told me something came up and he's unable to meet us."

Nokoru suddenly had a mischievous smile on his face. "Would that have to involve a certain Miss Utako?"

The ninja didn't reply, but the way his body jerked into tension was worrying. The blond looked over his shoulder and gave a bland smile. A stampede of fangirls was making its way towards them, squealing and screaming with heart-shaped eyes, sending the hall trembling.

"Kaichou, should we run?" Suoh asked out of courtesy, placing himself between the fangirls and his One, knowing full well how the riot could easily injure him.

"Aw, but Suoh-kun, it's not polite. And I'm quite tired after standing for hours!"

"As your bodyguard, I will not subject you to that kind of danger." Suoh firmly intoned, and grabbed Nokoru's hand, leading them to a sprint. "And as your boyfriend, I don't want to see you being groped by anyone else _again_."

Nokoru almost giggled like a schoolgirl at that last bit. Suoh being overprotective had always been **so** cute and—

He was unable to finish that thought when he tripped over a rug. Such was the cruelty of fate.

"Nokoru!" Suoh ran back and helped the blond up, noticing in a moment the favored leg and the wince in his face.

"I think I broke my knee." The President tried to make it a joke, albeit in bad taste.

"Not funny." Suoh scowled.

"I suppose we'll just have to endure the attack." Nokoru sighed dramatically, flipping his trademark fan, hiding a grimace as he watched the riot grow closer. The last time they were caught in a mob they came out with bruises, nail scratches and some heavy groping.

"Let me carry you then."

"My knight in shining armor!" Nokoru teased, then faced the mob. "I'm deeply sorry, ladies!" Typical of Nokoru to want to be polite even at the face of fangirlism danger. "But it's time for me to go! I'll see your smiling faces come Monday!"

As soon as the word was set, Suoh gathered his Kaichou in his arms (much like a bride) and used his ninja skills and general awesomeness to get them out of there. They never once looked back.

* * *

"Hey, Suoh," Nokoru used his nose to nudge the other boy's shirt collar to the side, "Did you change your cologne?"

Suoh panted as he regained his breath and composure, slumping against the large trunk of the acacia behind him. He had made sure to bring them somewhere obscure and distant, going so far as to run a full minute. Even if the mob was just a group of women (screaming, snarling rabid females) he just couldn't take that risk. (Nokoru was the feminist. Suoh never claimed to be one.) That, and he wanted to kiss his boyfriend without any interruptions. "Yeah…a gift from my mother." A deep breath, exhale. "What's that look for?"

"Oh, nothing." Nokoru hid a smile behind his fan. "It's just that you're so out of breath. I'm afraid you've gone soft."

"Soft? You're simply heavy. Those Valentines chocolates have gone to your thighs."

Nokoru gave an affronted noise. "Are you saying I'm fat?" Suoh pulled the blond onto his lap and started kneading the tops of Nokoru's thighs.

"No, no, of course not." Then he trailed his hand to the blond's knee, the one that was injured earlier and started lightly massaging it. "Does it hurt much?"

"A little," Nokoru confessed, because Suoh just knew whenever he lied and lies had such little gain anyway. "Kiss me better?"

Suoh smiled and did just that, and all was right with the world.

* * *

Disclaimer: The snippets of Nokoru's speech comes from **"The Evolution of Man Scientifically Disproved: In 50 Arguments" by Rev. William A. Williams**. I'm not smart enough to make my own so I had to resort to good ol' internet :P


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